The truth is, some people find getting over a breakup easier than others. A lot easier. It just rolls off their back and they’re on to the next things. For others, it seems to take months or years in order to feel normal again. But is there a way you can change that? If you’re someone who drowns their sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, is there any way to become the kind person who moves on easily? Well, sort of. You can never take the sting away completely, but you can help yourself heal faster. Luckily, there are some scientifically-backed tips to help. It all comes down to the way you view yourself in the breakup and what you do afterward to help you move on.
Don’t Make It About You
People who see the breakup as a reflection an internal failing have a rough road ahead. “I asked people to reflect on a time when they were rejected in a romantic context, and then write about the question: What did you take away from this rejection?” Lauren Howe, a researcher at Stanford, wrote in The Atlantic. “For some people, their answers made it clear that the rejection had come to define them—they assumed that their former partners had discovered something truly undesirable about them. For example, one person wrote: ‘Things were going well when all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. I have no idea why, but I think he saw that I was too clingy and this scared him away.'”
These people had a much harder time moving on than people who viewed relationships as just a fact of life or an issue of incompatibility. So try not to make it all about what’s wrong with you— because it’s not one person’s fault.
Form New Memories
You know those people who go on kind of cheesy self-finding missions after a breakup? They travel the world or take up a weird hobby? Well, they may actually be on to something. It’s all because of a little part of the brain. The precuneus is the part of the brain responsible for autobiographical memory. When you’re in a relationship, that part of the brain makes you view your partner as a part of you. It’s why when you breakup, you feel such an intense feeling of loss. Your brain thinks part of you is missing. But one of the best ways to remind your brain that you are an autonomous and independent human being is to form new memories. So get out there and try something new and different— remind your brain that you’re great just on your own.
Look, a breakup is never going to be simple. Some people will always take it harder than others— and you need to give yourself time to heal. But you can take the sting out of it. Just remember not to make the breakup all about you and form as many new memories as possible. You’ll be moving on in no time.